


Love is Messy

by orphan_account



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M, Yotsuba Arc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-06-27 19:44:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15692130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A collection of various short fics about yotsuba arc L and Light."L woke up first the next morning, Light soon after, a mess of limbs and white blankets and a cold, rattly chain somewhere in the mix. The sun was jus starting to rise, bathing the room in a golden-pink glow that felt serene to be experiencing.It illuminated L's features perfectly, and Light couldn't help but press a soft, lingering kiss to his lips. They both pulled back and gave each other lazy smiles before L pulled him in again."





	1. I - Showers

**Author's Note:**

> Summary: Showers get a little bit awkward when you're chained to another man 24/7...  
> They get even more awkward when both men are gay...  
> And the fact that they're the only two people who think so alike? Well shit, that's practically a death wish

"Ryuzaki, you're sure you can't take these off while we shower?" Light groaned, referring to the shackles trapping his wrist. 

"Yes, light. I don't want to chance anything." 

Light made him at least turn away while he got undressed and stepped in, the chain sticking out through the shower curtain. They had been showering like this for the past week they were attached, yet Light still hated it for more reasons than one. The main reason? Well... you try being completely naked three feet away from someone you're infatuated with. He was just praying it wouldn't be the same as it was the last night, when L started discussing the latest theories of the ever expanding universe. Not that Light didn't enjoy talking about those things, but he'd prefer not to while in the shower. 

He could hear L start to move around and heard the chain start to faintly rattle over the faint roar of running water all around him. "Ryuzaki, what are you doing?"  
All he said was, "Don't worry Light," which made him more than a little suspicious. He was just about to ask again when he heard the shower curtain open.  
Light turned around quickly, nothing but shock on his face as he saw L coming into the shower too. "What the hell are you doing Ryuzaki!"

He hummed in response, taking a step closer to Light. "My bad. I just couldn't help myself." His hands found their way to light's chest and started slowly traveling down. Light's brain was screaming at him to do something. So he did, kind of, but not what he knew he should be doing. 

Instead he pushed L against the wall, seeing fear flash across his face. But Light didn't have time to care about that, he was too busy making sure his lips found their way to L's. Who, thankfully enough, accepted the kiss and returned just as eager. They kept on kissing, a mess of lips and tongues and teeth, until L moved to his neck, moving so that now Light was the one against the wall. His kisses traveled lower and lower, down his chest, his stomach, stopping at his hips. He looked up at Light with eyes full of lust, silently asking for permission. 

The shower took a pretty long time to be turned off...

—  
L woke up first the next morning, Light soon after, a mess of limbs and white blankets and a cold, rattly chain somewhere in the mix. The sun was jus starting to rise, bathing the room in a golden-pink glow that felt serene to be experiencing. It illuminated L's features perfectly, and Light couldn't help but press a soft, lingering kiss to his lips. They both pulled back and gave each other lazy smiles before L pulled him in again. 

Light was half on top of him, the kiss not having nearly as much passion as it did last night but still left a feeling of satisfaction after. "Your breath stinks, y'know." Light joked, his hands on L's chest. 

"Hm? Then why'd you kiss me?" L raised his eyebrows, almost like it was a challenge. 

"The same reason you joined me in the shower." Light gave him another peck on the lips before laying down again, an arm tightly around his waist. 

They closed their eyes for a while longer, only opening them when they heard someone burst into the room. "Light! Ryuzaki! Important news on the case just came in from—"

Matsuda stopped dead in his tracks when he saw them in bed together, his face turning a certain shade of red that nobody in the room thought was possible. 

"What was that, Matsuda?" L asked, acting as though he wasn't cuddling naked with his fellow coworker, friend, and prime suspect of being Kira. 

"It's-it's nothing, I'll tell you guys when you- erm, when you come to the office." He rushed out of the room. 

Light started laughing the second he heard the door close. "Nice way to handle it, Ryuzaki. We know he'll either tell everybody or nobody now..." 

"So?" 

Light smiled at that, enjoying the way he didn't care at all. It felt nice to be laying here, without being bombarded by blood and murders and frantic news casters.  
"Ryuzaki, can I make you dinner when we're done working?" 

L recognized that this was Light's way of trying to ask him out, and his heart started to beat in weird patterns as he answered. "I would love that, Light-kun."


	2. II - Pillow Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late night discussions about some rather important things

Light Yagami rested his head on his partner's shoulder as slow patterns were drawn on his scalp that were contradictory in their simultaneous simplicity and intricacy. They had finished showering off after something that'll leave light sore for a week, as well as L after their shower. 

They had been silent for a while, not even pretending to sleep, although they would certainly be able after this night. But Light just wanted to savour these moments spent with his boyfriend. He never wanted to forget how it felt listening to L's steady heartbeat, especially the way it would pick up when his hands drifted, never wanted to forget the way the way those slender fingers raked through his now messy hair, never wanted to forget the feel of their bare limbs intertwining. 

And L knew this. So he stayed up with Light, not that he minded. In fact, he didn't mind it at all. L also enjoyed these lazy 2 am cuddle-sessions, maybe even the same amount as he loved what came before. He especially loved being able to feel and see just about every part of the beautiful Light Yagami. The hot skin resting on top of his freezing body always provided the most soothing contrast. 

"Ryuzaki... I have a question." 

L hummed to show that he was listening as he continued to slowly comb through his hair. He also took note on Light's slight switch in body language as he started to speak again.   
"What if I'm Kira." 

The words hung in the room like a bad tapestry. And the longer they waited, the louder the silence became, until it was deafening and neither could stand it.   
"Light-kun, are you confessing right now?" L spoke barely above a whisper, praying his voice wouldn't waver. "I'm sure you're aware that, while I'm the only person with access, this room does still have audio surveillance... I would be very careful—"

"Ryuzaki." Light cut him off, slowly trailing his fingers up L's bare chest. "That's not what I'm saying. Or it might be. I mean— well, I don't know what I mean. Can I be honest with you?"

"Stop asking stupid questions Light. You'll start sounding like Matsuda."

Light would've laughed at any other time. But he couldn't laugh now, not during this conversation. "Sorry. I'm scared, Ryuzaki. I've been looking over a lot of the past Kira files, trying to find a connection, and... there's so much evidence pointing towards me. I don't blame everyone for suspecting me honestly." 

L was very thankful that Light couldn't see his face in his current position. Because he was definitely showing a lot more emotions than he should be. Specifically worry, sadness... fear. Maybe even a little bit of heartbreak. 

"But the thing is... none of that makes sense to me. Kira makes me sick to my stomach. I could never in a million years kill a man, let alone thousands. Kira is evil. But what if I still am Kira? What if it takes over when I'm asleep, and I never remember, or—"

"Light-kun. I sleep next to you every single night. And every single night I fall asleep next to the same old light, I listen to the same old light say my name in his sleep—" he could feel Light's surprise and embarrassment at that "—every single morning, I wake up next to the same old Light, and every morning I lie down with my eyes closed until I feel the same old light press his lips to mine. I can assure you that you don't turn into Kira without knowing because I'm with you all hours a day, and I would see a difference." 

"I always just assumed you were asleep..." Light mumbled, trailing off before he spoke up again. "What would you do if we found out that I've been Kira this whole time?"

L was quiet enough to be dead. Which scared Light even more. "I don't know what I'd do. I'd like to think that I would do is right and see that you get punished for mass murder."

"But...?" 

L sighed, the fingers in Light's scalp stopping for a few moments. "But I don't know if I could, Light. I'm scared too. I don't usually feel like—" he used his free hand to motion towards them "—this. I don't usually get romantically attached to people. But with you? The scariest thing of all is there's .001% doubt in my mind when I say that I've fallen in love with you. And that .001% says that I will, soon." 

"You're in love with me?"

It felt like a scene from a movie as the moonlight illuminated Light's shocked features. Light had turned around so he could look up at his boyfriend's small smile.   
"Yes."

Light softly kissed L, only lasting for a few seconds. "I'm in love with you too, Ryuzaki."

He went back to laying on L, and feeling soft fingers massage his head. "I really hope that you aren't Kira, light." 

"I know."


	3. III - City Views

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When L wakes up in the middle of the night to see his boyfriend sitting on the ledge of the balcony, you can imagine the panic that started to rise, and all the different types of alarms that went through his head.

Bare feet hit the cold floor of the hotel room— if it could even be called a hotel anymore. They carried an all too tired L towards the glass door, through which he could see his lover sitting outside. In fact, he was sitting on the railing of the balcony. 

He knew many things about Light, more than anybody ever would. And one thing he knew for sure was that Light Yagami was not suicidal, which is what made it such a surprise to see this. But he didn't seem to be making a move to jump.  
L opened the door very carefully and quietly, not wanting to scare his boyfriend. One thing L had learned working this case is that lives are precious. Of course he knew that lives were important things, but for the first time in his life L fully understood the reality of his, and others', mortality. 

Light was aware L wasn't used to thinking this way. He was actually pretty sure L only felt that way about him. L denied it every time, but every time he and Light both knew it was nothing but lies. Because the fact of the matter is, yes, L recognized the meaning in a single person's life a lot more now. But he still couldn't bring himself to care the same amount as others do. However, he felt what other people talk about sometimes. He felt the tightening in his chest, the waves of panic infesting his brain, the heart trying to rip its way through his ribcage. He understood others' fear when they saw someone in danger. Up until now he only felt like this when he himself was threatened. 

However, the more time he spent with Light Yagami, the more he felt those feelings other times. Like when Light was in confinement, and his mood changed dramatically. One of the hardest things he's ever had to do on this case was appear to be unaffected when he could feel his heart tearing its apart with every yell, protest, and shout that came out of Light. Or when they had been chained together, and Light wouldn't wake up when L shook his shoulder, only to scare L by hitting him with a pillow. L still remembers the sweet sound of Light's hysterical laughter after that, and how he wasn't able to find it in himself to be angry about it. 

Those feelings found their way to L again, although he did his best to ignore it as he wrapped his arms around Light from behind him, holding on a bit too tightly. "What the hell are you doing?" He murmured into Light's shoulder. 

"Good morning, Ryuzaki." Light leaned into his touch and didn't say anything else. 

"Light..." L sighed deeper than he had all month at his boyfriend's upbeat tone. "Please come down from there." 

"What?" Light seemed to only then remember where he was sitting, either that or he was just playing dumb. 

"Light-Kun." 

"Sorry, Ryuzaki. It's just... there's such a beautiful view of the city here." 

"Can't you admire the view from the part of the balcony you're supposed to actually stand on?"

Light must have noticed the slight shake in L's voice, because after that he carefully swung his legs around and hopped off the railing. L felt one of his hands being taken by Light and he prayed the other man wouldn't feel the slight tremble.  
"Have I worried you, Ryuzaki?" When Light got no answer to his question, he pulled his boyfriend closer and continued speaking. "I didn't realize how it must've looked, I apologize. You know I'd never do something so drastic..." Unspoken words seemed to hang in the air, the silence screaming I'd never do that to you, but nobody acknowledged that out loud. 

Maybe it was better if they didn't. 

"I'm aware. I just get concerned about you. I'm kind of new to caring about people. I never was really able to find it in me, the closest thing I could get to caring about a person was Watari. And whenever you do something that worries me, I just get all these thoughts that rush through my mind about things that could go wrong. For example, I know you would never commit suicide. But I also know that Kira can control the way people die, so what's there to stop him from making you kill yourself?"

"Why would he want me to kill myself?" Light's tone was soft, and understanding. L appreciated the way he silently acknowledged the vulnerability he was feeling. It was so subtle that nobody else could've known, which filled him with emotions he couldn't even hope to describe. 

"I'm sure he knows that you're working on the Kira case. You're a well known person, it wouldn't be that difficult to kill you. You're a leading detective in this case, which would make his job easier if he lost you working on it. Maybe he even knows that you're my boyfriend, and figured it would throw me off to lose you. And the reason he'd make you kill yourself? Hundreds of possibilities. The main one is that he wouldn't want us to trace that back to you. Maybe some of us would investigate your suicide, meaning less people on the case. Overall we'd be affected by the loss of such a young and talented detective, which I'm sure Kira would consider." 

Light had kept silent throughout the whole time he spoke, the hand tightly holding L's a wordless reassurance. "And what about the possibility that I'm Kira?" 

"Yes, that's still existent, but even in that circumstance the second Kira could've tried to kill you. Maybe if they wanted to take your place or if they started to disagree with your method. And maybe you are Kira, and we're close enough in the investigation that you'd rather take your own life, which I hate to admit but even that would leave me devastated. Maybe I'd be sadder if I had to catch you though..."

L hadn't realized a few tears started to fall until Light reached out to wipe them away. He pulled L's face close to him to softly kiss him, the warm summer air surrounding them. "I wish we could've met differently, Ryuzaki."

L cocked his head to the side, not sure if he should be feeling confused or hurt. He went for both. "What do you mean?"

"Sorry, that came out the wrong way." Light's eyes were as they always are, warm yet calculating, always observing and taking in everything around him. Which, for better or worse, made it easy for him to notice the small changes in L's behaviour. "I just mean that... I wish we met under different circumstances. I have this feeling, deep inside of me, that tells me we were meant to love each other. That we're more perfect for one another than anyone else has ever been."  
"So why does this make you wish we met under different circumstances?"

"Because, I'm so in love with you it hurts. But what hurts more is all the constant fear. Me worrying about others' lives at risk, your life at risk, you having to do the same, hide your identity, constantly weigh the amount of love I hope you feel for me with the possibility that I'm a killer..."

All the previous hurt that was on L's face vanished completely, and his expression almost exactly mirrored Light's feelings. "Yes. I know what you mean. I agree. Our relationship would definitely be different if we met normally, even a little healthier..." 

"...But?" 

L laughed when Light said that, despite the serious tone of the conversation. "You know me too well, Light-kun." He reached his free hand out to brush a few locks of hair out of lights eyes, his hands still acting with a slight tremble. "If we had met under other circumstances, our relationship would be a lot different, healthier yes, but we'd have a much different bond. We've endured a lot together. We're two lovers surrounded by death and destruction, trying as hard as we can to stop the madness. It's almost poetic.

"This has made us closer than some lovers ever are in lifetimes. We know more about each other than anybody else in the world— aside from details of my past, you might know me better than Watari— and certain compromising situations, such as when we used to wear the handcuffs have certainly been defining point in our relationship. Maybe if we'd met differently, we'd be living in a near-campus apartment, our only worries being exams and degrees. But instead, we're constantly worrying about life and death. I wonder, which do you think you'd prefer, Light?"

Light turned to observe the sky, but kept a hand in L's nonetheless. "I'm not sure. Sometimes all I want is to live a normal life with you. I usually think about it whenever the case gets too stressful; when I get scared. I imagine a lot of things, such as being stereotypical and going out on dates and way too much drama. Sometimes I go as far as to imagine what it would be like if you and I were normal enough to live in a nice home together, with children just as smart as we are, living a simple life." He paused for a small moment to think before continuing. "Yes, I do believe I would enjoy that very much."

"Is there a 'but' coming?"

Light rolled his eyes, of course not meaning it, and continued his thought. "There is. It's nice to imagine, but I know it's impossible. Statistically speaking, it's unlikely we'll both get out of this case alive, whether it's both of us or one of us who die at the hands of this madman. We'd get both bored living a simple life; it just wouldn't work. And would we have had the same connection if we met otherwise? I'm sure it would be easier to be in love if we didn't both have to be constantly suspicious, but I don't know."

"It's not often that I get to hear you say that." L chuckled and moved to wrap himself around Light. "The truth? Maybe we would've been better off if we met some other way, but this is how it happened, therefore I think you should come back to bed and think about this again in the morning when you've had coffee in your system."

Light snorted as he let himself be pulled back inside. "I drink tea, not coffee."

"Your loss."


End file.
